Domestic Violence ~ The intentional emotional and/or physical abuse by a spouse, ex-spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend, or date. (broken spirits)

'He treats her like he owns her and she has to do what he says or else.'

What is Domestic Violence?
Partners usually show each other respect. Both partners in a relationship have a right to express their opinions and beliefs, and to see their own family or friends. But in some situations, one partner doesn't show respect for the other. Instead, sometimes they try to hurt, control or bully the other person. This is called domestic violence.

Domestic violence isn't always physical. The other forms of abuse can hurt just as much as physical abuse:

Emotional abuse is making the person feel hurt or bad - like constantly putting the other person down or making them feel stupid. It can include emotional blackmail, like threatening to commit suicide if their partner leaves.


'My Dad always uses really bad language at mum. He laughs at her and calls her a 'loser' or says she's useless.'


Social abuse is when one partner stops the other from seeing their friends or family, or from having a job. It can include when one person constantly checks up on where the other is, or follows or stalks them.

'Mum's boyfriend would get paranoid and go off at her if she even talked to another man. He would keep an eye on her all the time and question what she does or where she's been.'

Financial abuse is when one partner takes control of the money in the household, and doesn't let the other person have any money.

'Mum's never allowed to have any of her own money to spend, and he won't let her use the car to see my grandma.'

Sexual abuse is when one person makes the other do sexual things that they don't want to do. No-one has the right to force someone else into sexual contact - even if they are married.

Physical abuse is when one person hits, pushes, throws things, smashes things, or threatens to physically hurt the other.

What's the difference between arguments and domestic violence?

All couples have arguments - but there's a difference between arguments and abuse. In a relationship that isn't abusive, both partners might argue or disagree, but they both still feel free to say what they really think. Abuse or domestic violence is when one partner bullies or frightens the other person so they don't feel like they can say or do what they want to. Most often (but not always) it's the male who is abusive. He may have the attitude that a man has the right to 'be the boss' and to dominate women. But this is not right - both partners should treat each other fairly as equals.

**adapted from: bursting the bubble

Our relationships and families should provide us with the things we all need: like love, being cared for, support and safety. But sometimes this is not our experience…if you think you might be involved in an abusive relationship, or would like to know what the warning signs are, there is a helpful quiz here that might be of interest to you: warning signs quiz

Abuse happens when one person tries to control or hurt another. Abuse may be physical, such as hitting, pushing or choking. Abuse can also be other things, like putting you down and making you feel worthless, or being possessive and jealous to stop you from speaking to friends or family. Forcing or tricking someone into doing sexual things is also abuse. These things can be just as hurtful as physical violence.

A person looking at an abusive relationship from the outside tends to ask one major question: why does he/she stay? Although the idea of walking away from a relationship seems easy enough, it isn’t for a victim of domestic violence. Here are a few common reasons that victims of domestic violence stay.

FEAR - Fear is a common emotion expressed in an abusive relationship. If attempts are made to remove themselves from that situation, the retaliation from their abuser can be horrible. So, instead of trying to change things and risk being hurt more, the only option left is to stay.

ISOLATION - An important tactic used by an abuser is isolation. Turning the victim against their friends and/or family makes them an easier target. If the victim has no one to turn to for help, then their only option is to stay.

ECONOMIC DEPENDENCE - Quite often, the abuser is the primary money maker, leaving the victim without a means of financial dependence. Leaving is near impossible if there is no money to fund that escape, so the victim’s only option is to stay.

FREQUENCY AND SEVERITY OF THE ABUSE - The victim knows how to fuel an attack, and they also know how to help prevent making the attack worse then it has to be. If the victim knows that showing signs of a potential departure would cause an attack on the part of their abuser, then their only option is to stay.

CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES - If a child is raised in an abusive environment, they are more likely to have tolerance of that behavior then someone who hasn’t. Children that were raised to believe in domestic violence as a means of resolution, they will learn that domestic violence is a means of resolution in general. Children in violent households are equally more likely to become abusers, and to allow themselves to become abused.

sources:

dvirc

broken spirits